Iam 30 ....fuck

Thank you to all for the birthday wishes on my 30th birthday( I know that's fucked to contemplate for Theresa Chedoen and Dahti Blanchard). Am I over the hill? Most likely but to quote Sam Jackson my plans are simply this: I will continue to kickass, I will stick it too the man, I will please all the ladies via the rocket in my pocket, I will let all the suckers know who's the man, I will kick  more ass,cradle a babe in the burnt out ruins  of a church, let a dove go from a ghetto rooftop, fight Ivan Drago in Moscow on Christmas Day, find the Ark of the covenant with Danielle Da Gia before the Nazis do,save an orphanage by teaming up with my brother who just got out of jail to put on a blues show, start an underground male aggression group with Taylor Crowell and Jessica Rionero in a big house( wait didn't we just do that?),still kick ass, storm Omaha Beach with Andrew Bellware anD Maduka Steady, kiss a true love in a rainstorm after professing my love, fight a brother in law over a dowry while a bunch of Irishmen cheer me on, team up with Montserrat Mendez to rally the Arabs in revolt against the Turks, go into business with John Dillon, Chris Pope and  John Czop as paranormal investigators and fall for one of my clients who'll get turned into a ghost by a babaloyonian god, kickass, win a true love back through an Indian game show, get into a violent chariot race with the man who double crossed me and sent me to the gallows, put a true love on a floating door after our boat sinks and tell her never to let go, tell kids at a Canadian summer camp it just doesn't matter, help my grandpa tony fight HMong gangs in detroit, go on a road trip of feminine self discovery with Genevieve Jenner and Kitty Gibson Angela DeManti then drive off the cliff at the end while being Persaud by the Feds, shoot  Solozzo and McClusky, be a mentor to a rookie pitcher with a million dollar arm but a ten cent brain while seducing a local hottie, help Jesse Martinez save the princess and blow up the Death Star, celebrate Independence Day by destroying an alien invasion fleet with John Cain, and then I think I'll take a computer class. 

But thank you all for being a part of these past 30 fucked up years that have been to quote my high school principle after she saw my performance in the apple tree "different".

It's important to surround yourself with people in life who aren't assholes and boost you up on every level. And all of you have done that in some way throughout my life and from the bottom of my heart I thank you....except you hitler and Shia LaBuff  your just a dick.

Happy birthday big sis

Well fun but true story. Back in the late 80s when our hometown was still a beaten down wreck and wasn't considered " quaint" by the morons there was this kid who was an asshole. Now I had heard he had turned into a somewhat decent adult who is a good father. But when my sister and I were kids he was a motherfucker. Now back then it was just my sister and I . She's four years older then me and we hung around each other all the time. We were pretty damn close and if you fucked with one of us, you were going to get fucked up. So one afternoon their was this outdoor concert hippie thing going on. I can't remember the details but Iam sure there was a merengue band and possibly a lute. My sister and I were there with our dad running around and being kids. Well that asshole kid was there and he was being what he was known for being ,an asshole. I was three or four so that would of made my sister six or seven. That asshole kid was eight. Well the jackass started shit with my sister and she kicked him because of something. She let out a howl and I immdietly  attacked the bastard because I thought " hey man you hurt my sister"! My older sister being the tough lady she is and me being the scrapper Iam proceeded to beat up  the kid until our dad pulled us off. I believe we didn't get in trouble. So my sister gained the reputation of being a badass that YOU DID NOT MESS WITH!  Now as an adult you still don't mess with her. But besides kicking ass still she has become a pretty Awsome mom and an amazing cook. So on this your birthday remember if an asshole fucks with you I will not only kill the asshole but I will kill his family. Happy birthday

On my little sisters birthday

Many years ago on this day in that last year of that overrated decade known as the 80s a women was born. There was no killer storm that day, but she was early and her mother begged the doctor that she wasn't ready to give birth, she had shit to do like play every single religious service in town and make killer lefsa for her kids. But that baby needed to get yanked out now. So on that day a young boy of five who lived in tighty whities and watched ghostbusters every single day came down stairs to find that his best friends mom was there and that a baby was a coming . He was excited. He wanted a baby sibling and he wanted a boy. He knew his older sister had wanted a girl. But the little boy wanted a brother and wanted to name it Winston after Winston Zedmore from Ghostbusters. The little boys dad called finally. Was it a boy? Was it a girl? Was it a mango? It was....a baby girl. The little boy angry and pissed ran to his room and hid in his closet. He knew he was screwed, he was outnumbered now. His big sister had an Allie and he was alone. His friends mom tried to comfort him. Finally his moms friends picked him and his sister up and they headed to the next county over to see his mom and his new baby sister. They stopped at a store. The little boy who loved ghostbusters was disappointed but loved babies. I mean he wasn't hitler. So he said the baby should get a present and picked out a sheep or was it a horse? It was a sheep. They went to the hospital and he saw his new sister. He wasnt mad anymore. If anything he was actually happy. I mean who hates babies? After seeing his mom, the little boy went home and watched that night the premiere of a new cartoon called the Simpsons. It was funny and silly and he knew his mom wouldn't allow him to watch it but that was okay. The next day the little boy went back to the hospital with his sister and dad. The baby hadn't opened her eyes and the little boy wondered if she even had eyes. The little boys mom tried to get the baby  to open her eyes. The baby opened her eyes and standing right in front if her was the little boy. The little baby saw the little boy and immdietly closed her eyes. The question was who was scarred more , the little baby or the boy? But the pair grew up and the little boy got older and tried to look out for his little sister the best way he could, by either punching bullies or threatening potential boyfriends by promising to murder their family if anything happened to her. It was unsaid that armaggadon would be unleashed by the little boy who had become a man and his brother.But luckily that never happened yet. But the little baby became a women who was rather cool and quite bright. And any young gentlemen caller would be lucky to have her and any person would be happier to have her as a friend. So on this day I wish the little baby who has become a kickass chick happy birthday

Are the Mariners back? Probably not

Baseball sucked when I was a kid. Not the game, though I can see why people are bored with it. No specifically the Mariners. They sucked and they sucked bad. Back in the late 80s and early 90s the Seattle Mariners where the saddest team in baseball. They played in a death trap of a stadium known as the kingdom, and they where as good as a AA ball club. Few kids I knew around my age if they followed baseball liked the mariners. Yeah people wore M's caps but it was few and far between. You saw plenty of A's hats and the occasional asshole with a Yankee cap. Their colors were pretty awful. I mean who the hell wears light blue and gold? And they had guys no one had heard of. If I went over to my grandparents house they would have the Mariners on and they usually where losing. Once we had on the Mariners-Yankees game.I was a self proclaimed White Sox fan cause my dad had got me a white sox hat, but of course it felt kind of weird. I asked my mom about liking the Yankees. We where of course working class, Maynard G Muskie vote loving democrats. She explained that if you where a republican you liked the Yankees and if you where a democrat you liked the Dodgers, but since the Dodgers where in LA you where supposed to like the Mets but the Mets where full of drug addicted thugs and the Mariners  sucked so my best bet was to stay out of it all. Godbless my mom.

So I would follow the Mariners casually. Still trying to understand the game. My dad had been a pretty decent ball player in high school but because of his own issues he never reached his full potential. We never played catch but would talk about baseball. I on the other hand played little league and except for my first year, I enjoyed it tremendously . I of course wasn't the best hitter or fielder, but I had speed and a psychotic passion that would of scared the shit out of Bobby Knight. I was the little leaguer that would scream and yell and throw my helmet when I got out. And the player I looked up to was Ken Griffey jr. 

If you don't respect or know who Ken Griffey jr. Is , you...well it's better then that we don't talk. Ken Griffey Jr was for one moment on his way to becoming as big as Michael Jordan. The man could do it all. He could hit like Ruth, field like Willie Mays and run like Ricky Henderson. He was strictly speaking the greatest baseball player of the 1990's and probably one of the five greatest of the past 50 years( yeah I fucking  said it). Not only was he great but he was a Mariner and he was a Mariner that we developed. He was ours and in a city that gets no respect over our sports teams, he was a man that made people respect us.we weren't good but we had the best player in baseball. 

We were truly awful but something started  to happen, year after year we got a little bit better. We weren't Oakland with those roided out bash brothers or Atlanta which thanks to Ted Turner was Americas team. No the Mariners were becoming something else. They where becoming a motley crew of homegrown talent like a young less dbag esque  AROD, Dan Wilson and Tino Martinez, journeymen like Edgar Martinez ,Joey Cora and Luis Sojo and guys that people didn't think had any potential such as Jay Buehner and Randy Johnson.  And leading them was Sweet Lou Pinella, a prodigy of Billy Martin. A man who when he would lose his shit was the most entertaining thing in baseball. And at the for front was Griffey.

In 94 we where on our way to going to the playoffs and Griffey was on his way to breaking Roger Maris's home run record without steroids. That was until the strike happened and screwed baseball up for a period. The next year became something truly amazing.

If you where a kid in western Washington in the 1995, you probably have the same memories as I do. Griffey breaking his wrist and missing all those games, the M's fighting their way into the playoffs, the 20 game wining and  the banner during that 20 game winning streak and our playoff run "Refuse to Lose!",the one game playoff with the Angels where we won and fans stormed the field in joy, and us coming back from being down three games to beat the invincible Yankees and then our eventual defeat by the Indians in the AlCS. It was a magical season.

95 was the first year I ever attended a Major League Baseball game. I went with my dad and I remember almost everything about it but I also remember it as a haze of home runs by Griffey,Jay Buehner and Edgar, 100 mile per hour fastballs by Randy Johnson and the deadening screams of the kingdom as fans cheered the Mariners to the playoffs and glory. I know it sounds cliched for a guy to say this about baseball ,but it was one of the best experience of my childhood. Screaming my lungs out, my dad yelling taunts to the pitching coach of Oakland. Yeah it was a religious experience. 

Even though the Mariners  lost,the 95 season saved baseball in Seattle. Griffey and the Mariners kept the team from going to Florida and gave us  Safco Field. It installed a love for baseball for a whole generation of Washingtonians.

But of course this story went south pretty soon. We traded away Tino Martinez a beloved developed talent to the Yankees who used him to win four World  Series titles. And even though we beat the Yankees in 95 we couldn't get over the hump. We traded away talent, destroyed our farm system and still couldn't get into the World Series. Finally Griffey left in 00 and after a record 116 win season in 01, Lou Pinella sick of all the bullshit from the owners left for Tampa Bay. Of course by then the only guys left from that 95 season where Jay Buehner, Edgar Martinez and Dan Wilson . And so the Mariners descended into hell. 

By then I had moved to New York and took a casual likening for the Mets. But I would dream about the Mariners one day being good. It was painful to watch losing season after losing season. I didn't even know the names of most of these guys. And yes I was given shit for liking the Mariners by all of my friends. But even in the darkness there was a ray of hope. Griffey returned to Seattle and even though they didn't make the playoffs the Mariners  were in the hunt and that alone was something to cheer about. But then of course it collapsed again and we had losing seasons and the owners haven't done squat to rectify it. . They've raised ticket prices on fans and haven't put the money into going after free agents. That's why last week blew everyone away when Robinson Cano signed with the Mariners .

 People need to understand this doesn't happen for Mariners fans ,it really doesn't . Hell us keeping Felix Hernandez was huge,but going out and winning the top free agent on the market? THIS DOESNT HAPPEN! The fact that we took one of the top Yankees to boot, all I can say is fuck yeah.It's as if maybe the ownership maybe wants to win. I know all of you Yankees fans are like fine you can have him, he screwed up his career, you guys aren't going to win a World Series . And maybe your right, we did get a 31 year old second basemen and well we've seen how the Pujols and Josh Hamilton deals turned out. We may not win this season but it's a shift in the right direction and maybe it will be fun to be a Mariners fan again.

Oh drama

School plays saved me. I know we hear that all the time and it makes a person roll their eyes. Hey it makes me roll my eyes too. Even though Iam an actor, I get annoyed by the Dbags who treat acting and the such like its curing cancer. But in all honesty it gave me direction.

When I got to high school I went searching for my place. I tried band and was truly awful. I tried wrestling and well just imagine me on the wrestling team. Yeah I know. I did learn what I was capable of taking. Then I went and tried out for a school play. It was the spring show which was Arsenic and old lace a play which I had seen the movie version . Now being me and akward as only a 15 year old could be I auditioned. I just remember, god I hate to say it, but I felt drawn to the theater. It was funny my mom who is an actress had been the musical director for all the high school musicals when I was little. Since we didn't have money for a babysitter my older sister and I got dragged to rehearsals at the high school. So plays like 42nd Street, Fiddler and the such where part of my childhood. That and teens getting drunk at my moms house( but that's a story for a different time). So in a sense going to the auditorium was like going back in time to bad 80s hairdos and sweaters. 

I auditioned and didn't get cast. I was given the job of being everybody's understudy. So I went to every single rehearsal called or not. Now what's funny is that the director who shall remain nameless kept on having actors dropout and instead of saying " hey kid you get the part" would just cast other people who hadn't even auditioned. I remember being annoyed and just thinking " what the fuck? Had I been that awful?". Finally a week before the show opened, a senior was kicked out for being a flake and I was given the role of Lt. Rooney, a part where I chewed more scenery then Rod Steiger. I hadn't discovered the subtleties of the acting world yet.

The next year was my sophomore year and things on a personal level had gotten tough. Let's just say I could of out angry young manned John Osborne( ten points if you know who he is, yes Iam asking you Todd Peters). Stuff was happening at home and I just remember being angry and pissed but I masked it with humor and silliness. I hadn't even bothered to audition for the fall play instead deciding to do Cross Country a sport which, well is a little crazy if you think about it( my ass did look terrific). But word came out that they where going to do a musical for the first time in almost five years. Not just any musical but West Side Story. 

Now I know they're those of you who scoff at the musical and I understand why. I'll just say that fucking Glee has ruined musicals and high school drama for a number of us( yeah I fucking said it! Fuck glee!). But when a musical is done right like Company or Pippin or South Park Bigger Longer and Uncut it's truly amazing and takes your breath away. I luckily had been raised in an environment where the musical was looked at in a positive light. Though maybe we where a little snobbish, but Sondheim was considered god alongside young Stephen Schwartz and yes Rodgers and Hammerstein( if you have a problem I will cut you!). All of the works of Andrew loyd Webber where looked on as crap. Thank you mom.

West Side Story held a special place in my heart. When I was 7 I had run home after mass so I could watch the ending of Star Trek: The Next Generation. I was a couple minutes late and had missed it. Instead of STNG I saw a group of Spanish looking guys led by a badass in a bright red shirt dancing through the streets of early 60s NYC. I was completely enamored. They danced and fought with a group of dirty looking white guys led by a guy I had seen in Seven Brides For Seven Brothers( as I said my mom liked musicals). They danced and sang but man they where fucking badass's. I wanted to be the that chief badass Bernardo. My parents came home and I swear my moms heart started fluttering when she saw Bernardo. Hey he was a badass.

I knew I wanted to be in it and I knew I wanted one of the leads. I felt only I could bring any of the three roles justice.  

So when it was announced that there's would be auditions I put everything I could into the audition. I wanted to play Tony but was cast as Bernardo. I was disappointed , but as my mom and sister pointed out take all the shit you've been feeling and put it into this role. And that's what I did. All the anger I felt about my dad, all the feelings of being an outcast, of not belonging to the right family, all the anger I had at being so poor my freshmen year that I was stuck with high water pants I put into that role. Every bully I had dealt with all of it went into Bernardo. It gave me an outlet that I needed to express how I felt. And in the process I made friends with people who became my friends for the rest of high school. It helped me learn to not give a fuck. 

The show sold out every single performance and gave me the greatest outlet in the world for what I was feeling and gave me a sense of direction that I hadn't felt before. I knew that I wanted to do this. When my grandfather, a child of the depression heard that maybe I wanted to be an actor, instead of saying no that's stupid, he said maybe that's what he should do.

Teenagers need some form of self expressive outlet. For some it's athletics, for others it's writing, for some it's things like shop. For a number of others it's choir, drama , jazz band, and yes fucking Glee. When you take away these activities from young teenagers you hinder their development as people. Keeping the arts and other programs in schools helps a teenager find the direction they need to become healthy members of society. They probably won't become the next Rhianna or Brando or Beethoven. But  I will say this,for me if I didn't have school plays and the opportunities I  was able to have because of the arts programs at my high school, I would of ended up maybe becoming one of those dark angry kids you see on the news. 

http://www.change.org/petitions/citizens-of-jefferson-county-washington-encourage-the-ptsd-school-board-to-reinstate-drama-at-pths-as-an-elective-class

JFK

So 50 years ago last week JFK was shot. When I was born he had only been dead for 20 years and his brother Bobby had been dead for 15. But of course after all the shit that happened between 63 and 84 it seemed like a lifetime for many people of my parents generation. It was funny growing up you heard two things about JFK either he was a saint who was on his way to being the greatest president ever and could of saved humanity from an earthquake or that he was an evil fuck who murdered maralyn Monroe with his bare hands after fucking her and half the women in the country while the mob was winning him elections and feeding him drugs. Also he was killed by the Mob cause he dissed Sinatra, the Russians killed him cause he had really good hair, the Cubans killed him cause Castro was still pissed off about the Dodgers moving to LA, the Miami Cubans killed him cause they're all crazy, a fascist gay  army led by Tommy Lee Jones and Joe Pesci in silly wigs killed him cause he was selling out the country to Canada and the most hated enemy known as the Dutch, evil jerks. 

The man has become since his death one of the most mythologized and villianized politicians in the last 80 years besides Ronald Reagan who can burn in hell.  The "what if" he had lived question and " the who shot him" have become more American then Apple pie and baseball. I think for many people of my parents generation JFK getting shot was the  beginning of all hell breaking loose in the land. But as a NYTimes article pointed out all hell had already been breaking loose for a while.

By 1963 a cold civil war had been escalating throughout the country. In the south you had violent confrontations between the civil rights movement and the violent racist powers that ran life in the South and yes they were Democrats such as Strom " I have jungle fever" Thurmond. You also had the ultra right wing john birch society with the support of men like former Gen Curtis LeMay and many others of the  military establishment  openly talking about overthrowing the government because that catholic in the White House was selling us out to the reds. Not counting the mob which pretty much had its hand in every major industry in America and the corrupt ultra right wing businessmen who supported these groups and the foreign affairs issues, things where not right in Camelot. But of course we like to idealize what life was like. That if one thing hadn't happened maybe just maybe things would of turned out the way everyone had hoped they would have.

Of course this is always the lost dreams of youth. Even now people of my generation are starting to romanticize the 90s. And I do admit looking back things weren't as fucked up as they became after the 2000 election and 9/11. But we forget how messed up the 90s where at times. There was the crack wars that were destroying cities, you had Rodney King, you had the rise of the original gridlock master Newt Gingrich, in the early 90s people were dying of AIDS left and right and well if you were gay young and living in someplace like Wyoming you had a good chance of getting killed. So things weren't that great. But I do admit I look back at that period of my life between 1998-2001 as an almost happy dead period. Maybe it was because I was a teenager and hadn't dealt with the fucked up realties of adulthood . Yes things were tough in my life dealing with issues with my dad, but it was still happy. 

My mom always joked that heaven was probably the summer of 1962. I guess for me it would be the summer of 2000. For my grandparents it was probably 1945. For the people who lived through World War I it was 1913-1914. In a survey from the early 70s, they found that people became obsessed with Nostalgia. The idea of an idealized time before things became fucked up became a national obsession. I guess when you go through a traumatic period you search for what went wrong and try to fix it. That is why JFK's presidency and Assasination still captivate the nation to this day.

Now I grew up in a liberal catholic family. So JFK was looked at fondly but we also looked at him realistically ( I am personally a Bobby Kennedy guy myself). We knew he wasn't the saint that they made him out to be, but he wasn't this evil gangster. He didn't kill Marilyn Monroe. Joe Kennedy would of tried to do something like that but he was a vegetable by then so he couldn't do squat. Maybe mobsters helped swing the election in Chicago but the real power lay with Boss Daley who was the one who got the voter turn out. Also people forget that southern Illinois which was a republican stronghold, was just as corrupt and rumors circulated for a long time that Nixon didn't contest the election cause he knew stuff would come out about what the republicans had done there. Yes the man was on drugs but so was a lot of people in the establishment, hell just watch Mad Men. He was such a product of his time and place it's a little unbelievable. I mean the man ran right of Nixon!But the man grew and moved in a total different direction. 

People of my generation don't realize how close we came to the world ending during the Cuban Missile Crisis. We where unbelievably close to a total nuclear war that would of left the world full of mutants and bands of mohawked gangs roaming the wasteland searching for petrol. But JFK and his brother Bobby kept their heads and didn't give into the pressure of the pentagon who was all gung-Ho to bomb Cuba. They knew they could strike a deal and avert the end of humanity as we know it. Now imagine Nixon in that situation or Reagan or Carter, what do you think would happen? Yeah don't. For that alone that makes JFK pretty cool. 

A lot of people said the man changed after the Cuban Missile Crisis. That he realized the way we as a country had been going was wrong . That maybe we could find peace with the Russians through other means. That maybe we shouldn't be scared of these people. I  think the idea of his own children dying scared the hell out of him. Kids do that to a person. They help a person realize that maybe you shouldn't fuck around, that you have a responsibility to leave things better then you found it ( yes I don't have kids but this is what I hear). If you go and listen to the audio tapes during the coup of Diem in South Vietnam you find him and his brother wondering if doing that will come back and bite them in the butt and saying maybe this is a bad idea( Henry Cabot Lodge JFK's senate opponent in 52 who was the ambassador to South Vietnam gave the coups go ahead without the White House final say).

Now I am not going to be one who's going to say that if JFK hadn't died we wouldn't of had Vietnam or the chaos that became the 60s. But I will say that maybe things might of been different. We'll never really know. But for the short time period he was in power and especially the last year he was alive he started becoming the president that he was meant to be. He didn't accomplish as much as he could of , but what he was able to do did inspire people to believe that maybe we had a responsibility to help one another and leave the world a better place then the one we found.

Happy Birthday Uncle Joe

Yesterday was a great  Americans birthday. No not Mel Brooks but Joe Biden.A man who in these shitty times of doubt and fear has been the one we have looked too for stability in a world gone mad. Maybe it was his on air flubs, saying things that we don't expect from a politician. Maybe it was the wacky pictures of him strutting around in his shades giving the look of a badass or flirting with a biker chick or offering rides to teens in his limos to rallies. Maybe it was the stories of a man who's life was filled with tragedy and used it to fine joy in life. Who knows? 

Joe Biden is the first VP that didn't scare the shit out of the world like Dick Cheney or for you older folks Spiro Agnew ,wasn't the butt of akward boring jokes like a prebadass Al Gore, he wasn't a semi- inbred like Dan Quayle and wasn't trying to blame others like George HW Bush( it's funny as hell that Pappy Bush is missed). No Joe Biden was something else. He was that fun uncle who got you a little too drunk at Christmas, he was that buddy who talked you into streaking through the church parking lot, but he was like that friend who was the first person you'd call after your girl broke up with you, he was like the friend who'd help you get home after a hard night if drinking, he was like that dad who'd help you feel better after your first pet died. 

Joe Biden has been willing to say the hard truths that we all don't want to hear. He's been willing to tell it like it is. When healthcare was passed he  was caught on a mic saying " It's a big fucking deal", the media freaked out but at the end of the day all he said was what we all where thinking. He came out on his own and said " Hey Iam cool with the gays, why aren't you?". He did that in an election year. After Obama got his ass kicked in that first debate Uncle Joe went in there and smacked the shit out of Paul Ryan by saying what we wanted to hear for a long time. He called him out in front of the nation. After Uncle Joe called out Rommney for the 47% comment, Ryan responded with a comment about Biden sticking his foot in his mouth.Uncle Joe turned to the camera and simply said " At least I believe what Iam saying". And that is   The brilliance of Uncle Joe and why he is so popular. In a time of BS from politicians and lies, Joe Biden is the last man around that you can actually trust. You know he's honest. You know he actually gives a shit and isn't just lying to get ahead. I mean this is a guy who when he as a senator was named the 99th richest senator, meaning he wasn't pulling in the big bucks like the others. All of his money was in his house. Who the fuck hears that from a politician ? 

Now we all know the systems been rigged to help out certain people. Let's be honest folks it is, and we all know a good majority of the people in power don't give a damn, but every once in a while a person shows up that makes you believe that hey just maybe it isn't all bullshit, just maybe the whole damn thing is worth fighting and dying for. They help you believe again. That's Joe Biden, he'll never be President which is too bad.He'll never be on Mount Rushmore which is a travesty. But knowing he's there in the White House serving as the true voice of reason, that makes me believe that my grandfathers didn't fight in vain. So thank you Uncle Joe and happy birthday.